Hey everyone!
So I know that I haven't posted this week like I wanted to, but I was finishing up my thesis. Finishing that was definitely important for me. This semester has been a bit more crazy then I thought it would be, but I guess I should have expected my last semester to be crazy. Today, however, I want to just to have a quite chatty post. I want to be completely honest and open about how my time in my first study abroad experience changed me. Now that I've had three years to reminisce, I've really been in tune with the ways that that experience changed me and my life.
I think I've said this before, and I don't know what it is, but I've been missing my semester in England a lot this fall. I think that passing through the Grantham train station on the train this summer made me homesick for it. It felt so weird to see it and not stop there and head back to the manor for another week for classes. So, I've been racking my brain trying to think of why I still think of that semester everyday. I mention my semester in England in almost every conversation, and I know that people are probably annoyed, but they can't possibly understand what that semester gave me and how it changed everything.
I have to admit that I've retreated a bit. I gained so much confidence when I was there. I grew up a lot. In the year following, I lost some of that. Nursing school has helped me gain some of that back though. I'm growing, and I'm working on myself to get back all of that confidence and more. I'm almost there, and I am proud of how far I've come back from that following year.
When I was England, it was the first time that I was living away from home and depending on myself for everything and that was a valuable experience in itself. I got myself a routine with travel included in that routine every weekend. Honestly, that life I had there is really #goals haha. How great would it be to travel somewhere new almost every weekend like I did whilst I was there? It truly was the life, but honestly, when I got home, I realized how tired I was.
During my semester, I also learned the hard truth about some things in my personal life. Now that I've been able to look back on it for the past three years, I realize that I was also in the wrong as well. Conflict is a two-way street, and no matter how much you think it's the other person, it could be you as well. I think that I definitely didn't handle the situation very well, and that is really something that I would go back and change. Conflict management is actually something that I've learned in nursing school, and I should've handled that situation before I even went to England. Conflict always has a better outcome when you go to the person and discuss it. I wish that the particular situation that I'm thinking about would have turned out differently. I truly do.
With all of that being said, I learned a lot about other people. When you learn about other people, you also learn about yourself. I did learn a lot about myself, though. The way I interact with people and the way that I treat myself. I was definitely in a dream like state during my semester. Going to Harlaxton was something that I had wanted to do since I was fifteen. Going to England was something I had wanted to do since I was little. I was in my element. I was in the place that felt like home in almost every way (almost because the only thing that was missing was my family). It was like a dream. Memories are so strange. I'll be thinking of some random memory from that semester, like just sitting in my tiny room, and it seems like something that wasn't even real. That experience was so surreal that it seems like exactly that when I look back on it.
Lastly, post study abroad depression is actually real. I'm thinking of writing a whole post on this, so I won't give too much away, but it seriously is real. Because of everything that happened, the next year felt strange and foreign to me. I went from traveling somewhere new every weekend to not doing anything on the weekends but sitting at home. I went from having all these friends and people around me to practically being alone. Part of that was definitely my fault, but it's in the past now. All of those things combined made me feel so empty. All I wanted was to be back in my tiny room in the carriage house with the window open, letting in the crisp English autumn air and hearing the muffled conversations from the rooms around me. It was quite the lifestyle change.
I knew that I had to get back to England somehow, so last December, I was able to go back. Even though I didn't know anyone on the trip with me, I still made the best of it. There was one day where I took a chance and ventured out on my own in London. Suddenly, I was back in that semester. I knew my way around London, and I had no fear. I felt completely in my element taking the underground and walking around the quiet Sunday streets of St. John's Wood and Kensington. For just a moment, I could've closed my eyes and thought that I was back during my Harlaxton semester and taking a quick weekend trip to London.
I hope that you guys enjoyed today's chatty post. I hope my stream of consciousness style of writing for this post made sense. All of this is just something that I've had in my mind for a while. I just wanted to explain the things I've learned during and since living in England. I get quite emotional thinking about all of the things I got to do and experience that semester and how it changed and shaped me. Honestly, people that haven't had an experience like that truly can't understand. I hope that I brought a little insight to those of you who haven't. I'm thinking of doing a few posts focusing on study abroad and some tips that I've learned from my two study abroad experiences. Be sure you tell me in the comments what you learned from study abroad if you've experienced it!
Thank you so much for reading! See you next time.
All the love and happy travels,
Alexandria xx
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